After reading an erotic novel, Peter writes one himself using Carter's money. When Carter gets sued and loses all his money, he's forced to live as a middle-class citizen. Meanwhile, Stewie trains for the Olympics.
When Peter gets a vasectomy, he loses his sex drive, causing Lois to get depressed and gain weight. Meanwhile, Stewie's half-brother Bertram returns to confront him and they have a battle for control of the playground.
After Brian's near-death experience he starts a new life where he ends up with a nightly singing gig with Frank Sinatra Jr. Meanwhile, Meg pretends to be a lesbian to fit in with a new after-school group.
When Meg gets turned down on a date, she heads with Lois to the mall for an extreme makeover. Meanwhile, Peter tries to start a band with the guys and when that fails, ends up performing with his family.
Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?
How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off