Rachel: (About Bonnie) You said she was bald!
Phoebe: Yes, she was, she's not now.
Rachel: How could you not tell me she has hair?
Phoebe: I don't know, I hardly say that about people!

Ross: All right, so Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. You know, just, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or, you could teach him a lesson, you know? What you could do is you could rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell. Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey was president?

Phoebe: Well, maybe it won't work out. Maybe Ross won't like her personality.
Rachel: Why, does she have a bad personality?
Phoebe: Oh no, Bonnie's the best!

Phoebe: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it, Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica: You know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Phoebe: Gimme this. (Ross grabs the herbalist's card from Phoebe's hands and leaves.)

Vince: (About being a firefighter) 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, ya know, if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.

Ross: (About his thing) The worst thing is he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Chandler: Ya know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off.

Ross: Listen, I need a favor. Um, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I, ah, I, well I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?

Monica: Pete's breaking up with me.
All: What?!
Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.
Rachel: And?
Monica: Well, that's it. People never say "We need to talk" unless it's something bad.
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.

Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or... ha, ha! We could go over there and pee on them!

Joey: Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler: Or Dick.

Phoebe: (In Pete's apartment) That is the nicest kitchen!
Monica: Yeah, I know.
Phoebe: No, but it's the nicest kitchen. The refrigerator told me to have a great day.

Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica: My parents will be so happy.

Friends Quotes

Chandler: Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes into a Volkswagen! (Chandler nods) Oh, I love that joke!

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!