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Ross: All right, so Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. You know, just, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or, you could teach him a lesson, you know? What you could do is you could rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell. Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey was president?

Have you ever wondered if there's a town in Missouri or something named Sample? And then as you're driving to the town there's like, a sign that says, "You're in Sample?"

Chandler

Monica: You're not gonna get going, are you?
Pete: Well, let me ask you a question. Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion?
Monica: Well, no. But...
Pete: Well, I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica: That guy stood on your neck until you passed out!
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dad's garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica: You didn't know that already?

Ross: Listen, I need a favor. Um, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I, ah, I, well I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?

Ross: Monica is right, marriage is a very serious thing, you shouldn't just rush into it!
Rachel: Oh what do you know, you married a lesbian!

Monica: Pete's breaking up with me.
All: What?!
Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.
Rachel: And?
Monica: Well, that's it. People never say "We need to talk" unless it's something bad.
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.

Phoebe: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it, Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica: You know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Phoebe: Gimme this. (Ross grabs the herbalist's card from Phoebe's hands and leaves.)

Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica: My parents will be so happy.

I'm, like, playing the field. You know, juggling two guys, sowing my wild oats. I'm, like, this oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.

Phoebe

Vince: (About being a firefighter) 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, ya know, if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.

(To Monica) This is Pete we're talking about, he's not like other people. On your first date, he took you to Rome! For most guys, that's like a second or third date kind of thing.

Chandler

Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or... ha, ha! We could go over there and pee on them!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1265 in total

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!

Chandler