(While watching Pete's fight on TV) Run! Run you crazy, rich freak.Chandler
Monica: You are the worst ultimate fighter ever!
Pete: You know, I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but that really hurt.
Have you ever wondered if there's a town in Missouri or something named Sample? And then as you're driving to the town there's like, a sign that says, "You're in Sample?"Chandler
Ross: (About his thing) The worst thing is he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Chandler: Ya know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off.
Rachel: What, Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Ya know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Ya know? Ya know, this kind of like, ya know, oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads?
Monica: Pete's breaking up with me.
Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.
Monica: Well, that's it. People never say "We need to talk" unless it's something bad.
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.
Phoebe: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it, Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica: You know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Phoebe: Gimme this. (Ross grabs the herbalist's card from Phoebe's hands and leaves.)
Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or... ha, ha! We could go over there and pee on them!
Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica: My parents will be so happy.
Vince: (About being a firefighter) 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, ya know, if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.
Joey: Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler: Or Dick.
Ross: Monica is right, marriage is a very serious thing, you shouldn't just rush into it!
Rachel: Oh what do you know, you married a lesbian!