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Ross: All right, so Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. You know, just, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or, you could teach him a lesson, you know? What you could do is you could rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell. Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey was president?

Monica: You are the worst ultimate fighter ever!
Pete: You know, I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but that really hurt.

Rachel: (About Bonnie) You said she was bald!
Phoebe: Yes, she was, she's not now.
Rachel: How could you not tell me she has hair?
Phoebe: I don't know, I hardly say that about people!

Ross: (About his thing) The worst thing is he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Chandler: Ya know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off.

Joey: What happened to playing the field?
Phoebe: Well, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field!

Vince: (About being a firefighter) 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, ya know, if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.

Phoebe: (In Pete's apartment) That is the nicest kitchen!
Monica: Yeah, I know.
Phoebe: No, but it's the nicest kitchen. The refrigerator told me to have a great day.

(To Monica) This is Pete we're talking about, he's not like other people. On your first date, he took you to Rome! For most guys, that's like a second or third date kind of thing.

Chandler

Joey: Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler: Or Dick.

I'm, like, playing the field. You know, juggling two guys, sowing my wild oats. I'm, like, this oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.

Phoebe

Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or... ha, ha! We could go over there and pee on them!

Rachel: What, Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Ya know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Ya know? Ya know, this kind of like, ya know, oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads?

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1265 in total

Friends Quotes

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.

Ross: Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want.
Rachel: What?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (Ross closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!
Rachel: Ross, stop that!
Ross: I'm sorry.
Rachel: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.
Ross: Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my, uh, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (Ross closes his eyes again) Oh yeah!
Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. It will never happen-- (Closes eyes again) Uh oh. Wait a minute! Wait, wait. Now there are a hundred of you, and I'm the king!

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