Vince: (About being a firefighter) 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, ya know, if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.
- Permalink: 98 hot saves, highest in the force. Well, ya know, if Joey and...
Phoebe: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: Thank you, but I want to remove it, Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica: You know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Phoebe: Gimme this. (Ross grabs the herbalist's card from Phoebe's hands and leaves.)
- Permalink: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you sho...
Ross: Monica is right, marriage is a very serious thing, you shouldn't just rush into it!
Rachel: Oh what do you know, you married a lesbian!
- Permalink: Monica is right, marriage is a very serious thing, you shouldn't...
Pete: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica: My parents will be so happy.
- Permalink: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most i...
Ross: Listen, I need a favor. Um, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I, ah, I, well I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?
- Permalink: Listen, I need a favor. Um, I was in the shower, and as I was cl...
Ross (Rachel just introduced him to Tommy)) So uh, well, this, this is uh, this is awkward.
Ross Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Tommy Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
Ross Oh! Well then this is awkward.
- Permalink: Ross ) So uh, well, this, this is uh, this is awkward. Tommy Ye...
Joey: Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren.
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Rachel: Hey. Gosh, you look so familiar.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I, I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
- Permalink: Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren. Oh, h...
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe & Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I, ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's, it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did, ah, you guys mean you plus one?
- Permalink: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who go...
Joey: (After the critics trash Kate's performance) Drama critics are just people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
Kate: Become a drama critic.
- Permalink: Drama critics are just people who couldn't make it as actors. Yo...
Director: (Reading a review of the play) "Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. However Mr. Tribbiani was not the worst part of this production."
- Permalink: Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. H...
Ross: He screamed, he literally screamed at this couple.
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he got up and just started to bang his hands together.
- Permalink: He screamed, he literally screamed at this couple. Yeah, and a...
I've kept myself busy. (Monica and Rachel go in their rooms and walk right back out) I put your stuff in her room and her stuff in your room.Phoebe
- Permalink: I've kept myself busy. I put your stuff in her room and her stu...
Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh Joey... omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry. (To Chandler) I didn't know, I thought it was one of those theoretical questions.
- Permalink: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent? Probably...
Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.
- Permalink: Okay, Joey, your bet. I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit i...