Kurt: I do not want to get back together with Blaine. I've moved on. I met someone online. His name is Walter.
Sue: Oh, Porcelain, no. No no no no. You will not come out of this alive. This person is obviously a cannibal. I mean, look at you. You are exceptionally well-marbled. If I were on a deserted island with everybody I knew, I would absolutely eat you first. It doesn't even have to be a deserted island. There could be any number of casual dining establishments and I would still opt to eat you--a mouthwatering, delicious, corn-fed, porcelain rump roast.

Sam: What do you do in your free time?
Rachel: Hmmm...besides cry?

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.

[to Spencer] I'm actually kind of jealous of all the snooping around you've been able to do without detection. It's like you're Batman, only gay.

Sue

So, I figure that this is as good a place as any to ask you this question, mainly because it's going to really upset all the single guys and gals in here, but I want to mash up with you forever, Britt. I mean, some people love someone because they make them a better person and that's not why I love you because you've always just wanted me to be myself. You're my favorite person in the whole world and we're a big deal, you know? Like no matter how many times we've tried to put our thing down and walk away from it we can't because I don't want to live my life without my one true love. I normally I use a lot of words when I'm saying something negative so since this is the most positive thing I'm ever going to do, I'm gonna keep it simple. Brittany S. Pierce, will you marry me?

Santana

[to Becky] Oh, honey. All healthy relationships are built on lies! You know what? I'm pretty sure that's why I ended up divorcing myself.

Sue

Brittany: As a math genius, I am one of the few people who understand the concept of infinity and I will love you until infinity, Santana Lopez.
Santana: And I will love you until infinity too, Britt.

[to Santana] Okay, I may be a genius, but how can I argue with the logic of your giant, generous heart?

Brittany

[to Spencer] You take Fred Flintstone off his brontasaurus, all he is is Wilma with a set of man plumbs. Conversation over.

Coach Beiste

Spencer: You want me to infiltrate the glee club and be terrible on purpose so everyone gets demoralized and quits?
Sue: Works every time.

Are you here to beat me up? Let me get into the fetal position first.

Roderick

Glee Quotes

I just want somebody to love me.

Quinn

Jesse: I couldn't stay away.
Will: From the show, or her?