Penny: You lied to him?
Jane: Ok I did not know he was going to come in like he just shot the sheriff.

C'mon boo, it's not like you never thought about it Harvey Chocolate Milk.

Max [to Brad]

Wait is this gonna be a classic group gang hang?

Max

Dave: I think our wedding was pretty spectacular.
Brad: Yeah the only thing missing was a bride that stayed for the duration of the reception.

I can't believe anyone voluntarily decided to marry Penny. I mean she's a disaster of a human woman, am I right?

Max

I get the P shaped sandwiches for Penny and Pete, but what is with the lower case b's?

Alex

Aww you're my little (and this is a working nickname) my sweet hunk of pete meat.

Penny

Pete you son of a bitch, you're as innocent as you are stunning.

Dave

Pen I live by mafia rules, you, your family, anybody in the room. Y'all gotta pay, that's how I roll.

Max

No we're not even. And when it comes my revenge will be served like the tennis serve of a seventh grade girl. Slow, out of bounds, and I will pull balls out of my skirt.

Max

You guys realize that we are just prawns in his game. Little shrimp swimming around and waiting to be eaten by a big shark named Max.

Alex

Max put stripper glitter in my two favorite things, my lotions and my creams.

Brad

Happy Endings Quotes

My secret is so big that just the tip well be enough.

Penny

Dave: Whore's bath?
Penny: Ah yeah David, I did take a whore's bath okay? I had a one night stand and didn't have time to shower so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and throw some water on my hush at Au Bon Pain? Yes I did.