Penny: You lied to him?
Jane: Ok I did not know he was going to come in like he just shot the sheriff.

C'mon boo, it's not like you never thought about it Harvey Chocolate Milk.

Max [to Brad]

Wait is this gonna be a classic group gang hang?


Dave: I think our wedding was pretty spectacular.
Brad: Yeah the only thing missing was a bride that stayed for the duration of the reception.

I can't believe anyone voluntarily decided to marry Penny. I mean she's a disaster of a human woman, am I right?


I get the P shaped sandwiches for Penny and Pete, but what is with the lower case b's?


Aww you're my little (and this is a working nickname) my sweet hunk of pete meat.


Pete you son of a bitch, you're as innocent as you are stunning.


Pen I live by mafia rules, you, your family, anybody in the room. Y'all gotta pay, that's how I roll.


No we're not even. And when it comes my revenge will be served like the tennis serve of a seventh grade girl. Slow, out of bounds, and I will pull balls out of my skirt.


You guys realize that we are just prawns in his game. Little shrimp swimming around and waiting to be eaten by a big shark named Max.


Max put stripper glitter in my two favorite things, my lotions and my creams.


Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."