Better to have shtupped and lost than to not have shtupped at all.

Chase: Taub's daughter is sick.
House: Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

[reading a card from House] Cuddy Dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories.

Dr. Adams

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages: run.

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Adams: Am I weird?
Chase: Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

[simultaneously] I'll take Taub.

Chase and Adams

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

House Quotes

Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain.
House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.