Better to have shtupped and lost than to not have shtupped at all.

Chase: Taub's daughter is sick.
House: Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

[reading a card from House] Cuddy Dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories.

Dr. Adams

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages: run.

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Adams: Am I weird?
Chase: Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

[simultaneously] I'll take Taub.

Chase and Adams

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

House Quotes

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House

You're an ass!

Dr. Adams