Better to have shtupped and lost than to not have shtupped at all.

Chase: Taub's daughter is sick.
House: Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

[reading a card from House] Cuddy Dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories.

Dr. Adams

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages: run.

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Adams: Am I weird?
Chase: Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

[simultaneously] I'll take Taub.

Chase and Adams

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

Arlene [to Cuddy]: If you're going to dress like an Italian hooker, at least let it be this year's Italian hooker.
Julia: She's not telling us we look fat. That's a major breakthrough.
Arlene: If you didn't want to be insulted, you wouldn't have invited me.