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Better to have shtupped and lost than to not have shtupped at all.

Chase: Taub's daughter is sick.
House: Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

[reading a card from House] Cuddy Dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories.

Dr. Adams

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages: run.

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Adams: Am I weird?
Chase: Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

[simultaneously] I'll take Taub.

Chase and Adams

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 792 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.