Better to have shtupped and lost than to not have shtupped at all.

Chase: Taub's daughter is sick.
House: Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Dr. Park: I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see them again. [long pause] I lived next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are wildly off track.

[reading a card from House] Cuddy Dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories.

Dr. Adams

With great power, comes great micromanaging. And vests.

Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages: run.

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Adams: Am I weird?
Chase: Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Well, Clyde, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned cat fight.

[simultaneously] I'll take Taub.

Chase and Adams

She probably also believes that Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.

Adams: What happened to your eye?
House: I grabbed Park's ass.

Foreman: We have a problem.
Wilson: Does it limp?

House Quotes

Talk to our little Gossip Girl.

House

Masters: Why is your assumption of his guilt more valid than my assumption of his selflessness?
House: Because my assumption is baked up by millions of men, and Taub, who cheated on their wives.