People only change after trauma, if they wanted to change before the trauma. Or if they've watched too many Afterschool Specials.

He loves a tree in Oregon more than he loves you. But he can't have sex with it. Unless it's that slutty oak outside Portland.

House: (trying a differential) Balance organs, nerves, lungs, bones, heart.
Dr. Wilson: Things you use to make bratwurst.

House: I lost my mojo.
Dr. Wilson: Have you retraced your steps? Does your cleaning lady check your pockets before...?

House: Stuff you haven't eaten just proves you haven't eaten it.
Dr. Wilson: You were hoping for evidence of stuff I have eaten? First door on the right.

Who eats kale? It's so bland, it doesn't even taste like kale.

Thirteen: I guess we'll just continue to twiddle our thumbs.
House: God, I hope that's an euphemism.
Dr. Cameron: How am I supposed to do a lumbar puncture on a patient with intractable hiccups?
House: I'm trying to figure out what that could be a euphemism for.

The only kind of mothering House wants involves a bullwhip, leather diapers, and a credit card.

Dr. Foreman

Dr. Cameron: I owe him a favor. He's taken about a dozen of my referrals over the last year.
Dr. Chase: I meant so that's five seconds to hand House the file, 30 for him to question your real motives, a minute for witty comments comparing the length of your legs to Thirteen's... plenty of time left over for the shore.

This has never been about what you missed. This has been about why you missed it.

Wilson

House: They were ready do die... but for guilt, not love.
Taub: You can't feel that much guilt without love.

Thirteen: How many times have you lied to the transplant committee?
House: Just twice.
Thirteen: How many times has it worked?
House: I... don't quite see how that's relevant.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 108 in total

House Season 5 Quotes

House: If I wanted gifts, I would just look deep into my patients' eyes and act like you. "Oh, I'm so sorry you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I can make up for in..."
Dr. Wilson: You'd just wind up insulting her. Perhaps calling her "Mrs. Moron."

House: You talked to Wilson.
Taub: He has very girly handwriting, by the way.

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