How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes
Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: All right, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up
Robin: He's even getting me into the VIP room.
Barney: He just wants to show you his own VIP, if you know what I mean.
Robin: All right, what does VIP stand for in your little universe?
Barney: Well, I know that the 'P' is penis
Future Ted: So, kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?
Son: Why does he even ask?
Daughter: I know, he's just gonna tell us anyway
Ted's Date: Okay, this is really difficult to say. Back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke. So, I spent a month making adult films.
Ted: Wow ... uh, how many did you make?
Ted's Date: 175.
Lily: Say what you will about the porn industry, but they're hard workers
You dumped a porn star? Friendship over. Friendship over!
Barney
Robin: I am a journalist!
Barney: What? Journalist? You're the little fluff-pieces at the end of the news. Old people, babies, monkeys, that's not journalism. That's just things in a diaper
Ted: I haven't talked to her in like three years, I wonder if she even remembers me.
[Calls her up]
Natalie: Hello
Ted: Natalie, it's Ted Mosby.
Natalie: Go to hell!
Ted: She remembers me
Barney: Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted: No..
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted: No..
Barney: I'm losing interest in your story
[Natalie and Ted are in bed]
Natalie: Wow. Maybe it was the caffeine. But you've really brought your game up to a whole new level.
Ted: Thanks. I did just start subscribing to Esquire. They have some helpful columns. The following is from the October issue
No, that was a big mistake, Ted, you should have done it in person. Desperate please-don't-leave-me sex is amazing
Barney
Marshall: Personally, I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. It's the least painful way you can do it. Who are you calling?
Lily [into phone]: Hi, Marshall, it's Lily, we're not gonna have sex for at least a month. But you're awesome. OK, bye-bye
Lily: [hitting Ted] Who breaks up with somebody on their answering machine on their birthday?!
Marshall: Yeah, dude, e-mail