How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Lily: Well guys, have fun.
Ted: Woah, this is gonna be a major cleanup.
Everyone [saluting]: Major Cleanup!
Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time now, aren't we?
Robin: That's the general idea.
Everyone [saluting]: General Idea!

I've lost 10 pounds. My suits are wearing me

Barney

Barney: I'm not scared.
Marshall: Then why is your right cheek twitching?
Barney: I'ts not.
Marshall: Maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the Time-Slap Continuum!

Barney: Please. You took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bull horn and announce: "Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house. At precisely 3 am, I'm gonna jump outta that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. PS: Fire is my one weakness

See what I got going on here, they're turkeys but they're also hands. Because later we're going to eat turkey, and then I'm going to slap you in your face

Marshall

Robin: I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. Real Thanksgiving happened over a month ago.
Barney: I'm sorry. Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting "The Real Thanksgiving"? What do Canadians even have to celebrate about?

So this hot new intern leans over my desk, I can totally see she has a pierce... Brosnan! Pierce Brosnan is my favorite of all the Bonds

Ted

Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days!
Marshall: Yes it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge!
Ted & Robin [saluting]: General Knowledge!

Ted: I mean, you got used to Lily's loud chewing, right?
Marshall:... Lily doesn't chew loudly.
Ted: Dude. This isn't news. Why do you think I call her Chewbacca?
Marshall: I suspect because she's loyal, wears shiny belts, and I resemble a young Harrison Ford

Marshall: If I have to wait until my results come in the mail, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Barney: Based on that grocery list, I'd say diabetes is a bigger worry

Robin: Hey, can you hand me a Kleenex?
Ted: Actually, Kleenex is a brand. This is a facial tissue.

[Ted is discussing his girlfriend Cathy]
Barney: Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady I wanted to have sex with, Lucilia. On a white sand beach in Rio de Janiero, we made love for ten straight hours. When we were done, she applauded, and told me that I was far far better than the best lover she could possibly imagine, and that I had restored her faith in god.
Ted: What does this have to do with Cathy?
Barney: Who's Cathy?

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 90 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 3 Quotes

Gael: Gael.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
Gael: Gael.
Barney: ...Kyle?
Gael: Gael.
Marshall: ...Girl?
Robin: It's pronounced Guy-el.
Gael: It means joyful. That is why I live my life joyfully, and give to others. Especially those less fortunate than I.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?

Think of me like Yoda but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro - I'm Broda!

Barney