Mike & Molly

Mike & Molly Quotes (Page 2)

Season 2 Episode 19: "Molly Can't Lie"

Molly: Did Mike call?

Victoria: No, but my pot dealer did. He said you can have your wedding in his basement grow room.

Molly: Oh good. Well, at least the lighting will be good!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: Maybe if you had talked a little less and listened a little more we wouldn't be in this mess!

Molly: Really?

Mike: Listen, I don't want a big fight.

Molly: Well, it's too late for that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: The senior center said we can get married there. Good news: they have a dance floor. Bad news: lots of people have died on it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Priest: We have weddings for our parishioners, which you are not, and we were willing to make an exception frankly because we're still quite scared of your mother.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peggy: Just make sure he knows that you two are good Catholics and that you're not living together in sin.

Molly: But I'm not and we are!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 18: "Peggy Goes to Branson"

Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike [to Molly]: Do you really want to raise a child in a house with your mom and sister? His first birthday will be at the Betty Ford Clinic!
 • Rating: Unrated

Joyce: Remember when I took you kids to the circus, and we saw that big bear on a unicycle?
Molly: Yeah...what does that have to do with anything?
Joyce: Beats me. It just popped into my head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: I'm the kind of guy that likes to think things through.
Carl: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike [to Peggy]: When you go on vacation it's kind of a vacation for all of us.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 17: "Mike Likes Lasagna"

Molly: You're doing a great job of sticking to your diet, sweetie.
Mike: Well, since you're set on me wearing white tux at the wedding, I'd rather look like refrigerator than a milk truck.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: You don't need to sweat the vows. I've heard you wax poetic for 20 minutes about a chunk of lasagna.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm getting married in three months, and I've got squat. I don't remember writing any of this.
 • Rating: Unrated

Victoria [to Molly]: Did I dream this, or last night were you drunk in the backyard throwing a knife at a tree?
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: If I die before you and you have to write my eulogy, compare me to chicken piccata.
Mike: Done.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 16: "Surprise"

Mike: I got overexcited. It was my birthday.
Peggy: Barf-day is more like it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: Watch you wolf down a waffle with strawberry compote while your mother describes what a blood bath your birth was? No thank you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Samuel: Amira was very impressed with your car. The valet at the restaurant, not so much.
 • Rating: Unrated

Victoria: Kind of like when you get pulled over by the cops and you're high on weed. You gotta act straight, but not too straight.

Molly: You know, I never thought I'd say this, but you are absolutely right.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: Look at me. My car is lost, I'm riding this stinky bus, I'm an hour late to my party, but because I know Molly is there waiting for me it's the best birthday of my life.
 • Rating: Unrated

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