Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family

Mitchell: Still keeping traditions alive, huh?
Jay: Someone has to. I got two Colombians as home trying to turn Christmas into Cinco de Mayo.
Mitchell: You know that's Mexican right?
Jay: Ahh. Burrito, burr-righto.

Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

If I was home right now, I'd be mixing up a bathtub full of eggnog and trying to squeeze a greased hog into a Santa hat. You don't think I don't miss that?

Cameron

We raised our kids right. One of them will come forward, or the other two will rat them out.

Phil

Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.

Phil: I can forgive the smoking, but I can't forgive the lie.
[Claire glares at him]
Phil: Or the smoking.

I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.

Phil

Cameron: It's Christmas eve, you can't spend it in your car.
Santa Scott: That's really nice of you guys. Can I bring anything? Ketchup, soy sauce, straws?
Cameron: We're good.
Mitchell: So why don't you follow us to our house?
Cameron: In your house.

Cameron: Do you really live in your car?
Santa Scott: It's not so bad. It's really roomy since the wife moved out.

Phil: Goodbye Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car.
Haley: I was getting a car?
Phil: No, I was lying. Because that's what Dunphys do now, we're liars.

[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 15 in total

Modern Family Season 1 Episode 10 Quotes

Claire [to kids]: Which one of you was smoking?
Phil: Not me, I have a respiratory problem.
Claire: Obviously, not you.

Phil: Where's mom?
Phil's Dad: Mom is sinking fast.... she's in the bath tub.

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