You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.

Phil

A lot of people assumed that I married you for your money and that’s only a very, very small part of it. I married you because you’re sexy. You still are. Who knows how long that’s going to last for either of us?

Gloria

Cam: Hey counselor, what do I have to do to get you to drop that suit?
Mitchell: Cam what are you doing here?
Cam: Surprising my hugs-band!

That's the fourth Hawaiian shirt he's lost. I'm telling you this is a Dateline story waiting to happen!

Jay

Luke: Move!
Haley: You have plenty of room!
Luke: No, move out. You're 40!

Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.

Gloria

Mitchell: There is no easy way to ask this, but are you all high?
Claire: No Mitchell, we're happy.

Don't get me wrong the Dunphys have some great days, we just have some trouble stringing them all together.

Claire

Cam: Oh my God! It feels like we have one mind and one heart.
Mitchell: And one chair.

Jay: I didn't mean for her to get hurt.
Gloria: Not her, he when he realizes not every second wife looks like this.

Wait is fire weather?

Haley

Claire: There's a reason I'm the best person.
Mitchell: You know that's just a title for today right?
Claire: Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex