You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.


You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles, she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.

Jay [on Gloria]

I'm just saying you were never much of a kid. And that's a good thing 'cause I never liked kids.


Look at Luke there, making one big straw out of three. Never change, Luke.


Manny: It was the second thing that slipped right out from under me today. The first was my childhood.
Jay: I get it.

Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

Luke: Dad's like crazy fun, but you're nice.
Claire: I'm nice?!?
Luke: Well, not now.

I'm trying to get a hold of more butts... Very funny, I don't have time for this foolishness.


I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?


It's just a cold silly, you don't have to conceive of a world without me!

Haley [to Dylan]

With all you do for me, including going to the gym four times a week to keep me interested, I got this.


Luke: Is that your cheerleading baton?
Phil: Not when you're on the business end of it!

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Oh, here we go, because in Colombia we trip over goats and we kill people in the street! Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!


Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.