Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.


You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles, she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.

Jay [on Gloria]

I'm just saying you were never much of a kid. And that's a good thing 'cause I never liked kids.


Look at Luke there, making one big straw out of three. Never change, Luke.


Manny: It was the second thing that slipped right out from under me today. The first was my childhood.
Jay: I get it.

Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

Luke: Dad's like crazy fun, but you're nice.
Claire: I'm nice?!?
Luke: Well, not now.

I'm trying to get a hold of more butts... Very funny, I don't have time for this foolishness.


I think I found a place where I can sell this organ. Can you drive me to the black market?


It's just a cold silly, you don't have to conceive of a world without me!

Haley [to Dylan]

With all you do for me, including going to the gym four times a week to keep me interested, I got this.


Luke: Is that your cheerleading baton?
Phil: Not when you're on the business end of it!

Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 279 in total