NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSFavorite NCIS Quotes
Tony: What's goin' on here? We being replaced by younger models?
Ziva: I am a younger model.
Tony: If that was intended to hurt me you've succeeded.
Ziva: And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.
Tony: Oh yeah. That's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. Feeds McGee's need to have groupies.
[to Ziva] Think about it. First you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.
Tony
McGee: It's rude, Tony. I called you four times!
Tony: Well, there's two things wrong with that statement. One, we're not dating. And two, you know I don't take calls from anyone, especially you, after 7pm. You forget, I have a life.
McGee: What's your point?
Tony: My point McGee, party of one, is that you were leaving me messages evidently about some kind of case file?
McGee: Yeah, one that I needed you to sign.
Tony: Which you could have waited until this morning for? Give it to me. (McGee hands Tony the file) See that? Now all I have to do is sign it! (Tony signs the file) Look at that. Signing John Hancock. Just kidding, Anthony DiNozzo. (Tony hands McGee the file, which McGee snatches out of his hands)
Ziva: Hello, Abby.
Abby: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How could you have doubted Tony, after everything you've been through together? You really think Tony killed Rivkin because he was jealous?! You weren't thinking. That's right, you weren't thinking. Although I supposed I can understand your initial reaction. You were at an emotional time for you, when people act rashly. But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! Which again, I can understand, I mean, he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death. Alright, I'll give you that.
Abby: Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my MP3 player, my CafPow, my desk or Bert my farting hippo, without my express written consent.
Intern: Well, how am I gonna' do anything?
Abby: And there's no cameras or flash photography.
Intern: Well, I don't have a camera.
Abby: And if I accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.
Intern: Why don't I just wear bells?
Abby: That's a really good idea. I mean I'm sorry about this.. I mean Darren worked out but, I just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. (Abby pulls out a collar with bells) It'll just be better this way.
Intern: I uh, I'm not putting those on.
Abby: Oh no, actually you are.
Intern: No I'm not.
Abby: Except for the fact that you are.
Abby: I've had problems with visitors, so he [McGee] was just being overprotective.
Neisler: Protective of what, your butt? He couldn't stop checking it out when your back was turned.
Abby: Really?
Neisler: But I can see why you'd want to keep things casual.
Abby: Why is that?
Neisler: What if he's 'the one'? You're obviously married to your work, it's too soon to meet 'the one'.
Abby: We're done. (To Gibbs) Gibbs, can you make him go away, please?
Eli David: Was it a boy or a girl?
Ziva David: It was not real.
Eli David: I know, but what did you tell people?
Ziva David: I said it was a girl.
Tony: Tell me. What can I do? What do you need?
Ziva: Revenge.
Palmer: No, you know what? I take it back. It is not okay. I appreciate you throwing me a bone once in a while, or in this case a finger but it's not enough. I want to step up in all aspects of my career. And I will not let you send me on my way because you think something is...what...beyond my reach? It's not beyond my reach. I can help. I want to help. I want you to teach me that.
Ducky: Are you through?
Palmer: I believe so, yes.
Ducky: Then pull up a stool.
Gibbs: What's that?
Ducky: His liver, riddled with inoperable tumors. It doesn't appear to have been under treatment. I'd have given him six months.
Gibbs: Made killing himself easier.
Ducky: Pity does not validate cowardice.
Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.
(Tony is staring at Ziva's desk wondering where she might be)
McGee: So... where is she?
Tony: Who?
McGee: Tony, Ziva's been gone since Thursday.
Tony: Oh... yes, Ziva! Actually, I hadn't noticed.
McGee: You are lying.
Tony: McGoo, unlike you, I have better things to do than to obsess over the whereabouts of our "Little Miss Fancy-Pants", Ziva.
