Tony: He's a dead man. Bishop's the last person you'd expect to slit someone's throat in their sleep.
McGee: Which would make her the first.
Tony: Now you're catching on.
Bishop: You know I can hear every word you're saying.
Tony: That's impossible. I'm whispering.

Lorraine: Oh good. You can watch Nicholas.
Young Ducky: Hello to you too. Wait, where are you going?
Lorraine: Out.
Young Ducky: Out? He's eight years old. You're just going to leave him on his own?
Lorraine: He'll be fine. He always is.
Young Ducky: It's Christmas Eve, Lorraine. It's bad enough father has to work.
Lorraine: Well I have plans too. Now out of my way.

Young Nicholas: Who was it?
Young Ducky: The military hospital. I've been ordered there immediately. Goodness knows why.
Young Nicholas: I understand. I'll be fine.
Young Ducky: Well I suppose that depends on how you feel about the sight of blood. Grab your coat.
Young Nicholas: Yes!

Ducky: I imagine you have quite a lot to say.
Bishop: My big brother used to tell me "when life throws you a curve ball, you can either duck, get hit, or swing." I've decided to swing.
Ducky: Your brother's a smart man.
Bishop: He is. I'm sure yours thought the same about you

Joseph Mallard: Lorraine. She came by my work. She served me with divorce papers. She said she's leaving the country.
Young Ducky: Oh, is that all? Good riddance, the scrubber. She hates us both.
Joseph Mallard: And she's taking Nicholas with her. She's taken our boy.

Young Angus: I like Joseph, but you've always been much more of a father to that boy than he ever has. Even if we win, he'll never be able to raise Nicholas himself.
Young Ducky: I know, which is why I'm going to do it.
Young Angus: And be a doctor in the Royal Army Medical Corps?
Young Ducky: I'm resigning my commission.
Young Angus: Resigning? Are you off your trolley? You've wanted this your entire life!
Young Ducky: Nicholas is my life. This quite simply is not a decision that requires one second of thought.

Jake: The affair with Taylor isn't the problem.
Bishop: Trust me Jake, it's a problem.
Jake: Yeah, okay. Fair enough but...what I mean is is also a symptom of something deeper. When we were at the NSA together, we were together. Happily in a bubble.
Bishop: Peas in a pod.
Jake: Right. And then when you left, suddenly there was a wall. We could barely talk to each other.
Bishop: Well yeah, not without violating national security.
Jake: And that is the problem! I put national security first. I put the NSA before my wife. I will do whatever it takes to repair our marriage.
Bishop: What if I'm not?
Jake: What? Ellie, come on...
Bishop: You're right. Your affair isn't the problem. We weren't working.
Jake: No. Eleanor...
Bishop: Why did you tell me about the affair?
Jake: What?
Bishop: I would never have found out. I think you wanted me to know. It's over, Jake. It's been over for a long time. We're just saying it out loud now.

Tony: I got it. You dumped Jake.
McGee: Like a hot potato.
Tony: Dumped him.

Young Angus: There is absolutely no way either you or your father will ever get custody of young Nicholas. Which is why I'm going to personally give you the 10,000 pounds required to buy that manky wench off.
Young Ducky: Angus! Angus I can't possibly accept.
Young Angus: And I quite simply and unequivocally do not allow you to refuse.
Young Ducky: There are no words.
Young Angus: Well give it a try. I mean I do so enjoy watching you flounder.

Young Angus: You will find him. I know you will.
Young Ducky: I will scour the entire planet. Look under every rock. Turn every town and city upside down. Ransack every third world flea-pit. Until I find my brother again.

A broken man has no business place in polite society.


Ducky: Hello, Nicholas. [scritches the top of Nicholas' head]
Nicholas: [beeps Ducky's nose and smiles] You got my letter! You found me, Donny! You found me!
Ducky: I did that. I told you I would.
Nicholas: And you broke one of the wheels on my Mallard.
Ducky: I did. You cheeky little monkey.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.