Gibbs: Dad, I can stop this. I need your help.
Gibbs Sr.: Whatever it takes.
Gibbs: Okay, let's go fishing.

Mike: Do what you have to do for family.
Gibbs: What rule is that?
Mike: The unspoken one.

Tony: You need some lady advice.
Tim: I'd rather get a lap dance from a nun.

Ziva: We hit a shamu.
Susan: Did she mean a snafu?

In high school, I was actually voted least likely to take a hint.

Susan

Borin: You can call me Abby.
Gibbs: No, that's not going to happen.

Tony: Davy Jones. Used to sing with The Monkees.
Ziva: Real monkeys?"
Tony: I envy your brain sometimes.

This was no boating accident.

Tony

Tobias: This is a big deal, you letting me drive your car.
Gibbs: Whatever, you already slept with my wife.

DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!

Gibbs: Get Tony and Ziva out of bed.
McGee: What? Oh, you want me to get them out of bed. Because it's the middle of the night. Their individual beds.

Gibbs: You only take on cases which cross my path.
Hart: Don't flatter yourself.
Gibbs: You're standing in my house!

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

[reading Valentine's Day card] Roses are red; they go in a bucket; Jake is a jerk; he can go suck it.

Bishop