McGee: I've already counted three security cameras inside. Should be able to get whoever was in here on playback.
Tony: If somebody was in here.
McGee: I sense skepticism, Tony.
Tony: Well, you sensed right, Dr. Phil.

Tony: Maybe Alice took a few too many pills in Wonderland. (shakes several prescription pill containers)
Abby: Hey, bite your tongue. Respect, please.
Tony: Sorry, Abbs, I just think we need to consider the possibility that Lieutenant Thorson's paranoia was... "imagined."
Abby: Her hard drive's been erased.
Tony: Is that a euphemism?
Abby: They used a remote device to erase the hard drive. I don't think that is imagined.

(Abby is in the morgue, talking to Lieutenant Thorson's corpse)
Abby: So... I just-I want you to know that... whatever it is... that you're trying to tell me, I promise you, I promise I'll understand.
Ducky: Careful, sometimes they talk back.

Ziva: What's wrong? Are you having second thoughts about the role you're going to play?
Tony: She wants me to dress up like... No, I can't. It's sacrilege. I'm gonna have to end it.
Ziva: Oh, come on, Tony, it's only been two days. It's too short - even for you.
Tony: Trust me, Ziva, there's some things a man should never do.
Ziva: We're not talking about a man here, we're talking about you.

Abby: Gibbs! Trying to give me heart palpitations?
Gibbs: No. What've you got, Abbs?
Abby: Heart palpitations.

[to Ziva] Think about it. First you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.

Tony

Vance: Agent David, have you ever been to Zurich?
Ziva: Several times.
Vance: Good. Today you're Switzerland. Between England and the U.S.

Ziva: Apologize.
Tony: What for?
Ziva: For being you.
Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded.

Jimmy: This is getting scary. Dr. Mallard talks to the dead, and now you're talking to evidence.
Abby: Well, it usually works with firearms, but this one is not saying a peep.

Dempsey: Who's he?
Tony: Public affairs officer.
Dempsey: You brought your publicist to a bomb threat?

Who's the new face of NCIS? You're lookin' at it, McEnvy.

Tony

Come on, $22 a pound for rib eye? That's the real crime.

Tony

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

[reading Valentine's Day card] Roses are red; they go in a bucket; Jake is a jerk; he can go suck it.

Bishop