If I can't have a kid with a woman, then maybe I'll have one with my cousin.

Nick

I may or may not have done an extensive amount of research on wedding dresses.

Winston

You're my best friend in the whole world. We've been through a lot together so I just do feel like your sperm are partly my sperm.

Schmidt

Why are you putting spoons in the laundry hamper?

Schmidt

Nick: I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
Winston: You are poor.

They're reaching into your skin wallet. Your scrotum.

Schmidt

It's good for you! It's corn!

Bob

You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.

Nick

That's more like dork magic.

Nick

Ever since we got engaged you've been acting insanely jealous.

Cece

I want magic, is that so bad?

Nick

This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now, thank you.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt