They're reaching into your skin wallet. Your scrotum.


It's good for you! It's corn!


You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.


That's more like dork magic.


Ever since we got engaged you've been acting insanely jealous.


I want magic, is that so bad?


This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now, thank you.


I simply want a demographic breakdown of all the guys who hit on you.


I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.


Nick has a crush on a girl who is completely out of his league.


Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"