Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I want magic, is that so bad?

Nick