God! I would have bullied you as a kid.

Nick

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

Nick

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Nick

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

Nick

Should somebody ask you for a second napkin you just say, are you sure? Nine times out of ten they'll just back off and say thanks.

Schmidt

Save your groans for Bird Man!

Schmidt

Jess: There he is! Mr. New York. Mr. Broadway. Happy last day, I made you this.
Coach: It's a bunch of pictures of you.
Jess: Well, I had to take the necessary precautions because the last time you left, you forgot who I was. You called me Jebecka.

I love you guys and uh, I'm gonna miss you, especially you Jebecka.

Coach

Schmidt: I know this might seem crazy and probably a little bit impulsive, but it's not, not for me. I've known since the minute that I've met you.
Cece: Oh god, you're going to say something stupid, aren't you?
Schmidt: Girl, will you marry me?
Cece: Yes. Yes, yes, yes!
Jess: We're getting married!

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

Winston

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick