New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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She's looking for career advice, and your job could be done by a vending machine.

Schmidt

When I think of teachers, I think of two things--Jessica Day, and pornography...where one of the characters is...a teacher.

Schmidt

I thought you said you were afraid of camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was going to fly in your head and learn all your thoughts.

Jess

So I have good news from the doctor--you don't have rabies. You have giardia, and something called "Legionnaires disease."

Nick

I should have known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature.

Nick

The eyeball fell off, that's how you know it's good!

Nick

Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

Nick

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

That first-class ass is gonna be sitting in Coach tonight.

Coach

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. You've been outside.

Winston

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 553 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach