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Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

That first-class ass is gonna be sitting in Coach tonight.


Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. You've been outside.


She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!


Hi there. I'm about to ruin a date and don't want to show up empty-handed.

Nick: What the hell are you doing?
Coach: Making island beats.

Are you a do-er, or a dumpling-er?


The internet said I had to stay off my feet. But then I found this wheelchair in a ditch, so...I'm ready to work out!

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