The eyeball fell off, that's how you know it's good!

Nick

Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

Nick

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

That first-class ass is gonna be sitting in Coach tonight.

Coach

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. You've been outside.

Winston

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

Hi there. I'm about to ruin a date and don't want to show up empty-handed.

Nick: What the hell are you doing?
Coach: Making island beats.

Are you a do-er, or a dumpling-er?

Coach

The internet said I had to stay off my feet. But then I found this wheelchair in a ditch, so...I'm ready to work out!

Winston

Did I leave my Oakland Raiders yarmulke over there?

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess