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New-girl

Oh, look at the time! It's butt-o-clock!

Coach

Nick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."

Jess

I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.

Jess

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess

Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. That's vindictive.

Jess

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

Schmidt

My mom? You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!

Schmidt

I just got a treat, too. It's not candy. I'm not a dumb little baby like you.

Schmidt

He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie "Multiplicity" 25 times.

Nick

I stole that from Nelson Mandela. I added the part about the Penguin and the Riddler.

Nick

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

I'm having a party tonight and I can't have him lying on the couch, wiping his tears with deli meat.

Jess
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 519 in total

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New Girl Quotes

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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