Who am I supposed to go to for lady advice now?

Winston

Schmidt: Oh good lord! I'm marrying Nick.
Jess: Duh.

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On a plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight.

Nick

You what's fly? Cleaning is fly. Cleaning's cool dude.

Nick

Why does he act like the Pope when he's happy?

Jess

They're just boobs!

Nick

When I first grew boobs people started handing me stuff and I got messy, but then you gotta grow up.

Nick

OK, yes, she's a hot slob. Ever since she got boobs people stopped making her do stuff.

Jess

God! I would have bullied you as a kid.

Nick

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

Nick

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Nick

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick