Winston: What is between you and that chair?
Schmidt: Just a little bit of sunshine.

Cece: I really felt that Gavin was different. Didn't you feel like Gavin was different?
Jess: Yea, I mean he seemed like a really nice...European DJ with a face tattoo.

Gavin: This is my favorite Deep V!
Jess: It's just a deeper V!

Nick: Just stop being so nice!
Jess: Your mother's being so nice.
Nick: Slam on my mother.
Jess: Your mother's gonna slam on your mother.

Jess: I don't need any help! Nick and I are friends. You don't know cause you don't have guy friends. You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. Or, I'm sorry DJ Dia-beatit.
Cece: He has diabetes.
Jess: He does? Boohoo! I'm sorry. Is it bad? Cause I feel really bad.
Cece: He's fine, he takes medication.

I'm not like you! I don't just jump in the potato sack, with the first potato that I meet with diabetes!

Jess

They found another black guy. "Labak Melno Virich". Means a better black guy.

Winston

I saw Nick's pipi. And his bubbles

Jess

Did you see the JWOWW retweet of the Gaga twitpic?

Female interviewer

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess