New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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So what I need you to do is this. I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, ok? Then rendezvous with me in the restroom.

Schmidt

We just started dating so were still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.

Jess

He's so soft, like a towel.

Jess

No teeth! You can't use prop teeth!

Nick

Schmidt: We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.
Jess: Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it.

I really just want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face!

Winston

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Jess

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.

Jess

No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.

Jess

Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got sizes zero through ten.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 529 - 540 of 553 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach