It's MY garden party, and Zachary Quinto is not on the list!

Schmidt

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?

Let's burn all the books! Except The Da Vinci Code!

Biology Teacher

Schmidt fired me and now I'll never get to use this briefcase I bought and it was $19!

Nick

What do you call a lunatic who's only got one case and no hobbies? Your worst nightmare.

Nick

I don't like kids, I don't like teaching, I just like paychecks.

Coach

When you put it like that, it sounds amazing...AND like prison.

Nick

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

You're Abby Freakin' Day. You can do whatever you want. Except vote.

Jess

Quit sorting through my trash, Coach! You're messing it all up!

Schmidt

What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Schmidt: Ahh! A spider!
Nick: Jess, why did you do that? You know how he gets, he turns into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear who just saw a mouse.