Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

Well, this just in, the dress code for Winston's banquet tonight is...optional.

Schmidt

Jess: Nick calls birds 'wind-mice.' Nick says 'yahtzee' when he climaxes. He calls turtles 'shell-beavers.'
Nick: Well, that's what they should be called.

What's up, Coach? You have so many sweatpants! You need to buy normal pants!

Jess

Nick: I know where you live!
Jess: And I live where you live!

Boob season's over, for you!

Jess

There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson--I lost a bet to Schmidt.

Nick

You would not know a sex blink if it blinked you in the sex!

Schmidt

You don't like lakes, I don't like space! It's okay!

Jess

It's MY garden party, and Zachary Quinto is not on the list!

Schmidt

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick