It's MY garden party, and Zachary Quinto is not on the list!

Schmidt

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?

Let's burn all the books! Except The Da Vinci Code!

Biology Teacher

Schmidt fired me and now I'll never get to use this briefcase I bought and it was $19!

Nick

What do you call a lunatic who's only got one case and no hobbies? Your worst nightmare.

Nick

I don't like kids, I don't like teaching, I just like paychecks.

Coach

When you put it like that, it sounds amazing...AND like prison.

Nick

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

You're Abby Freakin' Day. You can do whatever you want. Except vote.

Jess

Quit sorting through my trash, Coach! You're messing it all up!

Schmidt

What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess