Jess, can I borrow your glasses? We're going to roleplay as you guys.

Schmidt

I've got an uncle whose God-given name is 'Shifty.'

Nick

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Nick

Crazy girls are kind of my 'Hurt Locker.'

Schmidt

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Winston

Ooh, bonus shot of Dad getting a haircut while eating spaghetti!

Jess

Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?

Jess

Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?

Nick

I just need to get to Rachel before he tells her horrible-slash-true things about me.

Schmidt

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Sorry to interrupt--I know the morning is the most sensual time of day.

Jess's Mom

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess