New Girl

New Girl Season 1 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 1 Episode 3: "Wedding"

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jess: So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 2: "Kryptonite"

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jess: Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jess: No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got sizes zero through ten.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Jess: So Coach said they used to play basketball in college, but then Winston went pro?
Schmidt: In Latvia, okay? He went pro in Latvia. It's a big difference. The team logo is a fig. Just one single fig!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jess (about Winston, the new roommate): I'm so excited to meet him!
Nick: No Jess, he's sleeping. He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America.Now he's happily passed out.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jess: I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up as Galileo, so I have to put on my beard.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: You consider me a sexy man, correct?
Jess: I don't know how to answer that question
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Jess: I was going for like a hot farmer's daughter kind of thing, like, oh, I'm gonna go milk my cows.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Jess: I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jess: Pink wine makes me slutty.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nick: I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

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