Andy: We are responsible adults, you know what that means right?
April: I know.
Andy: That means we have money and we're going to buy the f*ck out of this house

I love her SO much. I hope she's my real mom.

April

Aw are you bummed Tom? I have a quick fix for that - let's get hammered. Everything is free here.

Andy

Councilman Jamm: You know who else had plans?
Leslie: Oh please don't say Hitler.
Councilman Jamm: Hitler!

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Andy: We. Are going. To Chicago!
Tom: Andy, think about what you're saying right now? Because it's the smartest idea anyone's ever had! Let's go!

The snooker has become the snort!

Leslie

It's like rescuing a bunny from a lion! But that lion is a demonic sociopath - with really nice cleavage.

Leslie

Chicagooooo! The big apple!

Andy

Andy: Head coach of the Chicago Bulls.
Tom: No he's uhh, we're with a non profit -
Andy: What!? No! Am I? That sucks.

April: My insides are dying.
Ben: So, not fine?

I'm better now! I mean sure I'm depressed, and I'm constantly sick, and nothing really brings me joy, but it just feels right!

Councilman Jamm

Leslie: Have you ever seen Monster's Inc?
Ron: No.
Leslie: Damn it Ron! Engage in the culture once.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron