Tom: What about your trust fund?
Jean Ralphio: My parents had it amended. I don't get anything until I'm 50, which is a waste because I'm going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eatin' dolphin and hangin' out with lady singers.

Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whorewille.

Chris

Leslie: But my mom isn't here. And you parents aren't here.
Ben: Good!

Last week I was in clue in the Pawnee paper crossword puzzle. The clue? "Who's the worst?"

Leslie

It was a pizza stuffed with little pizzas. And the crusts of those little pizzas were stuffed with chocolate.

Leslie

When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Ron

Why don’t you take a whale sounds break?

Ben

And the Tommy Chopper. We sell chopped salad out of a decommissioned military helicopter. I'm a mogul now!

Tom

Yo, my name is Brad. I like burgers and I am very high right now.

Brad

Ben: I really like you, but you are a terrible person to talk to about personal stuff.
Ron: Thank you, that means a lot to me.

This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow—I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!

Tom

I tried to Photoshop it to make it look like they were happy. It was really hard. Their mouths are so old.

April

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy