I could retire! But I wouldn't - I'm going to work until I'm a 100. Then I'll cut back to four days a week.


I will defeat you. I will defeat you right into my pants.


Chicago has a lot of stuff and people, but I like to nothing and hang out with no one, so no thank you. And I love you. But no thank you.


Damn, Donna. Why you gotta bring the Quackson Five into this?


Well, which one is it? Fruity or earthy? It can’t be both! They’re mutually exclusive!


Michelle Obama: Well, you know how I feel about Chicago.
Leslie: You’re from Chicago so you like it!

And what exactly does Gryzzl do? It’s a cloud for your cloud. I have no idea.


A soft opening tomorrow? From now on everyone call me Kristin because I’m wigging out!!


Excuse me, Miss Hanley? Would you mind if I snapped a you-y? It’s what I call selfies of other people.


I hate doing work, but I love being flattered. So maybe I’ll give it another try.


Despite what my pocket square says, I’m not a billionaire.


Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Larry: No, it’s my dog’s rectum.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.