Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Larry: No, it’s my dog’s rectum.

Please, Ron. I’ve never asked you for anything today.

Tom

This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow—I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!

Tom

Donna: Your family has made you a more patient and empathetic person.
Ron: You take that back!

I’ll wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.

Donna

Ben: Why would you erase the signatures?
Townsperson: I’m more of a Jack Johnson guy.

Why don’t you take a whale sounds break?

Ben

Earlier, I was licking icing off of my finger and boom, I swallowed my wedding ring.

Larry

We’re all just calm and happy people together enjoying ourselves on earth.

Leslie

Ben! We knocked it out of the park first time around. If we play this right, we could raise one third of the Supreme Court!

Leslie

Slowing down is not really my jam.

Leslie

Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness.

Ron

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron