It's not just an eye watering, nasty, horrific, soul sucking fart anymore, you know. It's the smell of love, man. Love.


Katy: I'm going to start drinking and become a prostitute.
Tommy: Honey, I'll do it.

For one day only, we are not Gavins. We are nice, decent, civilized human beings.


Black kid with a Mexican name. You're a one man crime spree just waiting to happen.


Franco: What the hell is up with that jacket dude? Looks like you just joined a boy band, Kato.
Needles: Proves my theory that you know absolutely no nothing about style. This is the latest thing, my friend. It's hip. It's trendy.
Lou: Does it come with a gay Asian lover or do you have to provide that yourself?

Why can't a Mexican become a firefighter? Because they can't tell the difference between Jose and Hose B.


I wanted to do something that you couldn't, Tom, which is to express how you really feel about people while they're still alive.


Tommy: What are you doing here?
Mickey: What am I doing here. Classic.

See, you're A-Rod. He's Jeter. You go for the glory. He goes for the win.


He's called me Fonzie. He's called me Opie. He mentions Eddie Haskel to me and I'm gonna rip his head off.


I don't care hot hot her ass is, I am never, ever sleeping with her again!


Tommy: Ten grand and I can't drink. Why don't you just shoot me in the head while we're at it?
Teddy: See! He wants to drink. You're not in control of your sobriety.
Tommy: You know what I really want to do is punch you in the face right now.
Teddy: Oh, save that for the wedding. Big, big finish.