Royal Pains Quotes
Hank: Okay, um, are you currently on any medication?
Libby: Birth control.
Hank: So it's unlikely you're pregnant.
Libby: Assuming the whole Immaculate Conception deal was just a one-time thing, I'm going to say, yeah, highly unlikely.
(to Tucker) Okay, Dude, if you don't trust her [Libby] enough to snoop because you think you're going to find something bad, you don't trust her at all. Which means that the real insult would be to not go through her stuff.
Evan
Bonnie: Divya Katdare. What are the odds?
Divya: What are the odds of what?
Bonnie: Your mother hired me to help plan your engagement party.
Evan: Huh. Your what?
Divya: Evan, go wait in the car.
Bonnie: In fact, I just got the mock-up of the invitation. Where is it? Ah. Here we go.
Divya: I'm sure you are mistaken.
Bonnie: You're saying there's two Divya Katdares in the Hamptons?
Evan: Yeah, the odds of that would be...
Divya: Evan, go wait in the car!
Evan: Divya, it's not a situation. It's a wedding. It's-It's two people in love, forcing their friends to dance to We Are Family. You know? It's-It's sac... Wait a minute. Is this an arranged marriage?
Divya: Why?! Why, because I'm Indian?! Why, that's-that's quite an unenlightened stereotype. (off Evan's stare) Yes. It's a strategic marriage.
Esperanza: If it gets me on my feet, I'll eat six bags.
Hank: Esperanza, you don't need to do anything but lie there.
Esperanza: You sound like my husband.
Evan: Uh, let me return the favor by dropping some of my lady-knowledge on you.
Tucker: Your 'lady-knowledge'?
Evan: Yeah, knowledge about ladies. Not just stuff ladies know. You know, lady-knowledge. You know, I get around.
Tucker: Without a car?
Evan: Let's not dwell on that, okay? Let's just move past that.
(Evan receives a text message and tries to relay it to Hank with Jill present in the room)
Evan: It's urgent. Uh, is-may ewberg-nay?
Tucker: Ms. Newparts Newberg?
Hank: Hell of an encryption system.
Hank is more than a doctor. He's family.
Ms. Newberg
Evan: So, why don't you just, uh, drop me at the dealership, do your follow-up call and pick me up on your way back?
Divya: Because that would deprive us of valuable bonding time.
Evan: Okay. Great. Cool. What do you... What would you like to...
Divya: Evan. It's because they're in opposite directions. I was being sarcastic.
Evan: Yeah. Right, yeah. Well, it's hard to tell with your accent sometimes.
Evan: Why don't you just summon the apparitions?
Divya: Okay, why are you asking me?
Evan: Because you're Indian. Maybe some of the rituals translate, right?
Divya: Wait a second. You think that Hinduism and Wicca are overlapping ideologies?
Evan: I'm just thinkin' outside the box.
Divya: You're a bloody neanderthal.
Evan: We're broke.
Hank: What do you mean broke?
Evan: I mean depleted, destitute, insolvent.
Hank: I was asking for an explanation, not a thesaurus.
Zoey: You never assumed I was crazy. Gave me the benefit of the doubt. Most people wouldn't have, Hank.
Hank: Yeah, well, more people should be like us. And less people should be like most people.
