Dr. Cox: Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, nay two vasectomies, I feel... I feel I just have to ask. Did you cheat on me?
Jordan: No. And you know me; I always tell.
Dr. Cox: Ah that's true.
Elliot: It's a preggie teddie! I got it over at that new maternity lingerie store at the mall. Had a very interesting conversation with the sweet old lady who owns the place. She said not that many pregnant women shop there. It's mostly just fat whores.
Laverne: I gotta get me one of those.
Kim: So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis. It's basically a hardening of your foreskin. As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask that you masturbate five times a week.
J.D.'s narration: Help the poor kid out...
J.D.: Wow five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back!
J.D.'s narration: He said in front of his future girlfriend.
J.D.: You know what? I should probably mosey.
J.D.: I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke but I don't know how to do both the same night...Unless of course...
Elliot: J.D., not floating head doctor.
J.D.: Too late, I'm already there.
J.D.: Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
Kim: I'm pregnant.
J.D.: What now?
Kim: See ya round six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!
I pooped in my bed so I put it on the TV.Jack
Elliot: Tell me every detail about the first date.
Kim: We went horseback riding on the beach.
Elliot: Ah yes, I have been on that date.
Kim: Oh really?
J.D.: What? I had a coupon.
J.D.: Hey Tubby!
Carla: Oh J.D., I want you to feel the baby, come here quick!
(J.D. leans in to feel, at which point Carla smacks J.D.'s ears)
Don't call me tubby!
J.D.'s Narration: Pregnant witch!
J.D.: I have to get ready man. I want my date with Kim to be perfect. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?
Turk: Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.
J.D.: Yeah but except this time with two horses.
J.D.: Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr. Curnses wound.
Gloria: And I need you to suck it!
J.D.: Wow Gloria! Do you kiss your great great great great great grand kids with that mouth? Zoom Zoom Zoom!
And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.J.D.