Kim: See ya round six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!
J.D.:It's mine.

Kim: So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis. It's basically a hardening of your foreskin. As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask that you masturbate five times a week.
J.D.'s narration: Help the poor kid out...
J.D.: Wow five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back!
J.D.'s narration: He said in front of his future girlfriend.
J.D.: You know what? I should probably mosey.

Dr. Cox: Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, nay two vasectomies, I feel... I feel I just have to ask. Did you cheat on me?
Jordan: No. And you know me; I always tell.
Dr. Cox: Ah that's true.

Carla: It is ok, don't get up. I got it!
Turk: Okay.
Carla: It's only your child.

Elliot Reid - Moment Killer

J.D.'s Narration

Carla: Huh? Ya like that?
Todd: I felt it move.
Carla: Todd, you're touching your crotch.
Todd: I know, and I'm loving it.

I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Oooh, appletini, when did they start drinking straight guy drinks?

J.D.'s Narration

J.D.: Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
Kim: I'm pregnant.
J.D.: What now?

Carla: Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, I am now horny as I have ever been and my husband is repulsed by me.
Turk: Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
Carla: Thank you for the sacrifice.
Turk: It's because I love you.

(On the phone) No mom! Playpen and baby cage is not like "toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe."

Janitor

J.D.: I have to get ready man. I want my date with Kim to be perfect. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?
Turk: Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.
J.D.: Yeah but except this time with two horses.

J.D.: I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke but I don't know how to do both the same night...Unless of course...
Elliot: J.D., not floating head doctor.
J.D.: Too late, I'm already there.

Scrubs Quotes

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!

J.D.: Hey, Sean, you were right about me and my interns. I guess I owe you an apology.
Carla: Damn straight, you do! You know what your problem is, Bambi? You're-
Turk picks her up and carries her off.
Carla: Oh! Turk! Please? Just one more second? I need the rush! Please? I'm coming back for you!