Scrubs Season 3 Episode 5: "My Brother, Where Art Thou?" Quotes
Ted: Sir, about Nurse Espinosa and Dr. Reid's suspensions, really there aren't any grounds to punish them for moonlighting, because they weren't working with people - just animals.
Dr. Kelso: "Just animals"? Oh, please, this dog is smarter than most people. He's definitely smarter than you.
Ted: Sir, I don't think-
Dr. Kelso: Baxter, sit!
Baxter sits
Dr. Kelso: Ted, sit!
Ted sits
Carla: Ted, you don't have to!
Ted: Shut up! I can win this!
Dr. Kelso: Baxter, speak!
Baxter barks
Dr. Kelso: Ted, speak!
Ted: Hellooooooooo!
Dr. Kelso: Baxter, left foot!
Baxter raises his left paw
Dr. Kelso: Ted, left hand!
Ted raises his right hand
Elliot: Left hand, Ted.
Lawyer: Hellooooooooooo!
Carla: Okay, I paged Dr. Kelso. Do you feel confident about this, Ted?
Ted: I'm not sure. I don't know what confidence feels like.
Turk: Besides, why aren't you at home, apologizing to your brother before he takes off?
J.D.: Turk, you don't get it, man. Your family was there for you.
Turk: You know, I love how kids of divorce really have the market cornered on family dysfunction. But let me share with you a typical Thanksgiving at the Turk household: It starts with my mother yelling at my sister for yelling at my grandmother who's yelling at the television screen, which happens to be the microwave. And then my militant brother Jabari - formerly Bob - gives my father attitude for using the word "black", even though he's referring to the turkey. Which, by the way, only got burnt because instead of turning the oven off, my bi-polar aunt Leslie tried to shove her head in it. But you know what we do? We kiss... and we hug... and we apologize for all the things we said... 'Cause a month later, we gonna get together and do it again at Christmas!
J.D.: Hey, thanks for loaning me this shirt, man. I got a lot of compliments from the sistas. Sharon the security guard even called me a cracka!
Turk: Dude, how many time I gotta tell you? Cracker - bad!
Elliot: Look, Carla, I cannot afford to be suspended right now. I'm gonna have to resort to blackmail.
Carla: How are we gonna blackmail Kelso?
Elliot: No, no, no, no, no! Unless you take the fall for both of us, I'm telling Turk you're sleeping with someone.
