Scrubs Quotes
Drill-Fork! You can drill and fork! Mostly fork.
Janitor
Janitor's narration: Quick, help him up, so he thinks there's hope for our relationship yet. (Helps J.D. get up and narration is transferred back to J.D.)
J.D.'s narration: Even though I had just spent the day locked in a water tower courtesy of the Janitor, as he helped me up, I couldn't help thinking that there was hope for our relationship yet.
Nurse walks into patients room
Nurse: Knock Knock!
Janitor's Narration: Who's there? Nurse Mop-head! Nurse Mop-head who?...You have a Mop-head!
This is easy. It's like drowning someone.
Janitor
Mr. McNair's Computer: Why does he call you a girl's name?
J.D.: Thank you for asking Mr. McNair. You see the thing about Dr. Cox is that the closer he feels to a person, the more he needs to push them away. So when he calls me Eva he is actually saying "J.D., I care about you". Vulnerable people like Dr. Cox-
Mr. McNair's Computer: Oh my God! I get it now, Carol! Carol! Carol! Carol!
J.D.: Now you are being a jerk. Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!
Dr. Cox: Newbie! I'm relatively certain that the computer is broken.
J.D.: Oh, my bad.
Dr. Cox: You know, Bobbo, I find you less repungent of late. Dare I say I'm developing a begrudging indifference to you.
Dr. Kelso: You're so edgy and cantankerous. You're like House without the limp.
Jordan: What's going on?
Ted: I love you too dumpling, but I have to work late. I'll make it up to you this weekend.
Dr. Cox: Ted's on the phone with his mom, so we're taking five.
Dan: So you got the baby fever, huh?
Elliot: Yeah, hopefully I'm already pregnant with Keith's child.
Keith: Oh come on! I'm 25. I haven't even been to Europe.
Turk: You know what name I have always liked for a girl? Honor.
Carla: Turk, you know how mean boys are. They would be all like: I got Honor. Did you get Honor?
Turk: Yeah everybody got Honor. She is easy!
Carla:It is your daughter!
Turk: Yes it is.
Dr. Cox: Since Sweaty Teddy here backs up his infinitesimal knowledge of the law with absolutely zero knowledge of medicine, one of you is going to have to help him go through the claims deciphered for the medical stuff and somehow relay all of that into his tiny peanut brain. Ted, how many times did I insult you during that speech, I was shooting for five?
Ted: Only three unless you count "Sweaty Teddy" as an insult but my mom calls me that and she loves me, right?
Dr. Cox: No Ted, she hates you. Four. Since Ted has no life and that is five.
Ted: What's a "Buckland"?
Dr. Cox: It is a predominately hairless growth that is never found on women.
Ted: Weird.
Dr. Cox: It's your last name Ted.
Ted: Good one!
Elliot: Mmm we don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.
Keith: Ok, you gotta stop saying that.
Elliot: Look Keith we're role-playing alright? This is not real. Now let's just do this.
Keith: Alright.
Elliot: Promise you'll hold me like this when I'm pushing your baby out my bajingo?
Keith: Alright, I'm putting on a third condom.
