Scrubs Quotes
J.D.: Wait Turk! I have an idea.
Turk: You have another idea? Well I've got to tell you, I'm done with you're ideas and not just for now but forever! Okay, are we clear on that?
J.D.: It's a good one.
Turk: I'm listening.
Ever since I was blitzkrieged this morning by an enraged German named Otto a certain doctor Barbie no longer exists for me.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Hey Carla! You're glowing!
Carla: (Smiling) Really?!
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, have your breasts gotten bigger?
Carla: Wow, Dr. Kelso! That's innapropriate!
Turk: Baby, that sounds like a compliment to me. Maybe you're just a little hormonal...
J.D.: This plan is fool proof.
Dr. Cox: That is impossible. You two are involved.
Turk: We will see about that!
(Turk and J.D. crash into each other as they try to walk away)
Carla: I don't think we have anymore wine. Turk, can I have some of yours?
J.D.'s narration: I felt like Turk was starting to blame me for all of this.
Turk: (Spills his wine in J.D.'s face) I spilled mine too, honey. You know what you should do? Ask for some of J.D.'s.
J.D.: (Spills his wine on his crotch) I spilled mine too.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I got a patient with osteomyelitis who needs a bone biopsy. Who do you use?
Dr. Cox: You put me in an awkward spot because I'm here and I want to help but speaking to you would acknowledge your existence and you don't exist. So, I'm going to address the stapler. Hi, stapler, the red is killer. By the way, there's a certain Dr. Brownsfield who's just the most wonderful bone guy... What? What's that, stapler? Oh no, she... she's an actual doctor.
Elliot: Neither of you are very funny!
Dr. Wen: Christopher. I heard you were sweating the rankings.
Turk: No! I'm married and trying to have a baby. Not having a job would be a big boost for me.
Dr. Cox: Ok, the uh, antibiotics have brought your fever down. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Patient: Yeah, I'm auditioning for my church's senior citizen production of Street Car Named Desire. Would you mind running lines with me?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I'd be happy to.
Patient: If I didn't know you was my wife's sister, I'd get ideas about you.
Dr. Cox: I can't believe you think... I would do this with you... Seriously, I'm a doctor.
Patient: What page are you on?
Carla: He is not allowed to dream about me. It gets too freaky in there.
Turk: Cirque de Soleil freaky. One time, she was skinless.
It didn't bother me that Dr. Cox had just Kelly Ripa'd me because I knew it would never catch on. No matter how much he wanted it to.
J.D.'s Narration
J.D.: Look, all I'm saying is, it's important to go the extra mile with patients. It's like I was telling this girl last night...
(opens his cell phone and shows a picture to Dr. Cox)
Dr. Cox: Why would you tell her that?
J.D.: I didn't, I just wanted to show you who I'm going out with tonight.
Get a load of Mr Extra Mile Guy's leukaemia patient, sitting in there all by herself. Knowing him, he's probably out getting her a cake, shaped like a cancerous white blood cell.
Dr. Cox
