Seinfeld Season 3 Episode 4: "The Dog" Quotes
Elaine: Jerry, do you know what they do to dogs at the pound? They keep them for a week and then if no one claims them, they kill 'em.
Jerry: Really? How late are they open?
(to Ellen) I must've been out of my mind! Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life? You sit around here all day. You contribute nothing to society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? I wouldn't respect myself.Kramer
(on breaking up with his girlfriend) Oh yeah! The sooner the better. I can't wait to do it. You know how there's some people you worry about whether or not you're gonna hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. Boy, I'd like to get it on video. Watch it in slow motion and freeze frame it!Kramer
(doing stand-up) I had a parakeet when I was a kid, that was the only pet that I really enjoyed. We used to let him out of his cage, and he would fly around and my mother had built, one entire wall of our living room was mirrored. She felt this gives you a feeling of space. Have you ever heard this interior design principle that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of a jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy in there looks just like me." But the parakeet will fall for this, you'll let him out of his cage, he flies around the room, BANG! With his little head, he would just go 'click' Ohh! And I'd always think, even if he thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting the other parakeet?Jerry
Hello? No, who's calling? Oh my god, the dog guy. Where have you been? Yeah, well you better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg.Elaine
Jerry: Talk amongst yourselves, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
George: Uh Jerry, how long will you be in there?
Jerry: I don't know, regular human time?
George: Uh why don't you wait then go in the movies?
Jerry: Why shouldn't I go here?
Elaine: Well, you know, I mean, sometimes it's good to get there and make sure you get your seats and then go to the bathroom.
George: And isn't it more fun using the urinal?
Jerry: Oh yeah, urinals are fun. Can I go?!
Jerry: You can't tell someone how you feel about their girlfriend until after they stop seeing them.
Kramer: I tell you.
Jerry: You. I'm talking about people.
Jerry: You got together with George?Elaine: I wanted to talk about how we had nothing to talk about.
This is not Seinfeld you're dealing with! When I'm through with you you'll be begging to go to the pound!Elaine
Jerry: What'd we say that was so bad?Elaine: I believe I referred to her personality as a potential science exhibit.Jerry: I said I was surprised no one killed her yet.
Gavin: Do you have any pets?Jerry: Just a next-door neighbor.
Great. Two hundred seats on a plane, and I gotta get stuck next to Yukon Jack and his dog, Kujo!Jerry