Seinfeld Quotes

John F. Kennedy Jun-ya!

Elaine

Jerry: I haven't been myself lately. I've been snapping at everybody.
George: Me too. I've been yelling at strangers on the street.

George: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
Jerry: What did you do?
George: I zipped up!
Elaine: So, she fell?
George: Yeah. Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

Jerry: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh, shaving.
Elaine: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.
Kramer: Not everyday.

Elaine: What're you looking at?
Jerry: There's a naked woman across the street.
Elaine: (smiling, chuckling) This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made in my life.

George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes. Nobody was there. They're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine; I started leafing through it
Jerry: Glamour?
(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)
George: So, one thing lead to another
Jerry: So, what did she do?
George: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!"

George, you're cousin, Shelly, is talking to you!
(George is still focused)

Estelle

Jerry: What's the matter?
George: My mother caught me.
Jerry: Caught you? Doing what?
George: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone
Elaine: You mean..?!
George: (Nods) Uh-huh.
Kramer: (laughing) She caught you?

Too bad you can't do that for a living. You'd be very successful at it. You could sell out Madison Square Garden. Thousands of people could watch you! You could be a big star!

Estelle

Estelle: I don't understand you. I really don't. You have nothing better to do at 3:00 in the afternoon? I go out for a quart of milk; I come home, and find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!

(Kramer sits in front of Jerry's window to see a naked lady)
Jerry: She's not there!
Kramer: Oh, I can wait

Jerry: (looks out the window, shocked) Oh my God in heaven!
(all three crowd around the window)
Elaine: (gasps) Is that?
George: Kramer?!
Elaine: He's waving
(all three wave back)

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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