Seinfeld Season 3 Quotes
Jerry: Talk amongst yourselves, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
George: Uh Jerry, how long will you be in there?
Jerry: I don't know, regular human time?
George: Uh why don't you wait then go in the movies?
Jerry: Why shouldn't I go here?
Elaine: Well, you know, I mean, sometimes it's good to get there and make sure you get your seats and then go to the bathroom.
George: And isn't it more fun using the urinal?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: Oh yeah, urinals are fun. Can I go?!
Hello? No, who's calling? Oh my god, the dog guy. Where have you been? Yeah, well you better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg.
Elaine
(doing stand-up) I had a parakeet when I was a kid, that was the only pet that I really enjoyed. We used to let him out of his cage, and he would fly around and my mother had built, one entire wall of our living room was mirrored. She felt this gives you a feeling of space. Have you ever heard this interior design principle that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of a jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy in there looks just like me." But the parakeet will fall for this, you'll let him out of his cage, he flies around the room, BANG! With his little head, he would just go 'click' Ohh! And I'd always think, even if he thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting the other parakeet?
Jerry
(on breaking up with his girlfriend) Oh yeah! The sooner the better. I can't wait to do it. You know how there's some people you worry about whether or not you're gonna hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. Boy, I'd like to get it on video. Watch it in slow motion and freeze frame it!
Kramer
(to Ellen) I must've been out of my mind! Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life? You sit around here all day. You contribute nothing to society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? I wouldn't respect myself.
Kramer
(to his parents) What is going on in this community? Are you people aware of what's happening? What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?!
Jerry
Stella!
Elaine
Why'd you take his pen for?
Helen
Hey! It writes upside-down!
Elaine
Stella: This better be good; I'm missing Golden Girls for this!Helen: I hate her like poison.
Helen: Don't sleep in there. You can you use the bedroom.Elaine: I can't take your bedroom.Helen: I'm up at 6 o'clock in the morning.Elaine: I can't kick you out of your bed.Helen: We don't even sleep.
Jerry: I liked it. Should I have said I didn't like it?Helen: You shouldn't have said anything. What did you expect him to do?Jerry: He could have said: "Thank you, I like it too" and put it back in his pocket.
