Charlotte: My marriage is a fake fendi.
Miranda: Excuse me?
Charlotte: Trey and I look like the perfect couple from the outside but on the inside its all fake, it's not special. He can't even get it up.
Samantha: What?
Charlotte: We've never had sex...
Miranda: But, you've been married for...
Charlotte: Over a month.
Samantha: You've never had sex?
Carrie: It's not a physical thing, it's emotional.
Miranda: You knew about this?
Carrie: She told me at the wedding.

Charlotte: Could you have more comdoms?
Samantha: I did, yes.
Charlotte: I'm just so happy to be out of that condom stage of life.
Miranda: Here I thought it was called my thirty's.

Carrie: I got mugged. She took everything I got.
Samantha: It's called the Brazilian wax.
Miranda: Why didn't you tell her to stop?
Carrie: I tried. I feel like one of those freaking hairless dogs.
Samantha: It's a ascetic thing, everyone goes bare out here.
Miranda: Of course, they do. LA men are too lazy to go searching for anything.

(to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party) Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?


Carrie: Nothing surprises me anymore. Apparently, in LA housesitters are somebody and New York writers are prostitutes.
Samantha: Sweetie, your at least a high class escort.
Carrie: Thank you.

Man: This floor's non-smoking!
Carrie: I have an addiction, sir!

Charlotte: I can't believe you're all going to L.A. without me.
Miranda: We still can't believe you went on your honeymoon without us.

Samantha: So what do you do when your not working as a one man welcome wagon?
Garth: I'm a dildo model.
Samantha: You wouldn't tease a girl would you?

Carrie: I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
Charlotte: Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
Carrie: You win. So should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?

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