Look at me, I can't go to jail. I might as well wear heels.

Steve

• Permalink: Look at me, I can't go to jail. I might as well wear heels.
• Added: March 27, 2011

Maybe a vulva, I hear those are real safe.

Sheila [about a car]

• Permalink: Maybe a vulva, I hear those are real safe.
• Added: March 27, 2011

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

• Permalink: Hey Fiona? I'm gay. I know.
• Added: March 27, 2011

I banged Filipino hookers in the Navy that look more innocent than my niece.

Bar Patron

• Permalink: I banged Filipino hookers in the Navy that look more innocent th...
• Added: March 27, 2011

Carl: They give you a cavity search.
Lip: No we weren't there long enough, think it was probably on the menu though.

• Permalink: They give you a cavity search. No we weren't there long enough...
• Added: March 27, 2011

You're Frank's kid? And this is your first felony bust? Gettin a little late start for a Gallagher, aren't ya.

Cop [to Lip]

• Permalink: You're Frank's kid? And this is your first felony bust? Gettin a...
• Added: March 27, 2011

Aww you guys popped your cherry! Hey you see my dad in there?

Kevin

• Permalink: Aww you guys popped your cherry! Hey you see my dad in there?
• Added: March 27, 2011

Candace: More cookies to sell?
Debbie: Is Jimmy here?
Candace: No he's back at school in Michigan.
Debbie: No, he's living 96 blocks away on the Southside, dating my sister, stealing cars, and going by the name of Steve.

• Permalink: More cookies to sell? Is Jimmy here? No he's back at school ...
• Added: March 27, 2011

So uh, Kev, just out of curiosity, you happen to know the age of consent in Illinois?

• Permalink: So uh, Kev, just out of curiosity, you happen to know the age of...
• Added: March 27, 2011