South Park

South Park "Chickenpox" Quotes

Kyle: Oh my god, this is like a third world country!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: And, so, children, that's how you tell a prostitute from a police officer. Now, are there any questions? Yes, Kyle?
Kyle: What the hell does that have to do with American history?
Mr. Garrision: Good question, Kyle. Are there any other questions?
Kyle: Mr. Garrison, I'm the only one here. Everyone else has chicken herpes.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Mrs. McCormick: That ain't why, Stuart! It's because you are an alcoholic retard and he has dreams of not eating frozen waffles for dinner every night!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Kyle: Here's Kenny's house.
Cartman: (singing) In the ghetto. On a cold and grey Chicago morn, another little baby child is born in the ghetto. (In the ghetto!)
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: They knew that staying at Kenny's house would make us sick, and they made us do it anyway.
Stan: They did?
Kyle: Yeah, and I think I figured out why.
Stan: Why?
Kyle: Because they're a bunch of assholes.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mrs. Marsh: You mean Stanley's missing?
Doctor: No, no, he's not missing. We justcan't seem to find him at this moment.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Mrs. McKormick: You want some more hot water?
Mrs. Broflovski: Oh, no thank you, it's terrific though. You don't have any tea bags or coffee grounds to go in the hot water do you?
Mrs. McKormick: No, we don't care for any of that hoity-toity rich folk stuff.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Mrs. Broflovski: You certainly have a humble home Mrs. McKormick.
Mrs. McKormick: Yeah, well, unfortunately my husband is a washed up hunk of s(beep)t!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: I'm going to kick her square in the nuts!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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