South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Rick: Hello Cartman, how are you today?
Cartman: Well I'm pissed off Rick, how are you?

You can scoop it up in my R. Kelly thermos.

Butters

Cartman: When I was in prison, we used to sneak stuff in by hiding it up our ass.
Another fat boy: I have some Fudge 'Ems up my ass. You want some?
Cartman: (scoffs) Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again!

I told you I was a tight virgin flower!

</i> Mrs. Crabtree

Will somebody put this retard out of his misery?

Cartman

I feel great. I haven't had this much attention paid to my cooch since I was sixteen.

Mrs. Crabtree

Rick: You have to know that until you drop the weight, you can't leave.
Amy: (cheerily) There is no escape.

Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?
Chef: Dag-nabbit children! How come every time you come in here you've got to be asking me questions I shouldn't be answering? "Chef, what's a clitoris? What's a lesbian, Chef? How come they call it a rim job Chef?". For once, can't you kids come in here and say "Hey Chef, nice day isn't it"?
Stan:Hey Chef, nice day isn't it?
Chef: It sure is, thank you.

(Cartman is selling candy at the fat camp he is attending and is approached by a fellow camper who is crying.)
Cartman: Why are you crying Chad?
Chad: Cause I'm always gonna be fat, I don't want to eat no sweets but I can't control myself when there right in front of me like this (continues crying) all my life I've been fat, I've been to seven camp and I swore to my momma that I'd lose the weight, I want too but I can't help myself. (continues crying).
Cartman: Hey Chad, do you know what you need? You need a friend.
Chad I do?
Cartman: Yes a chocolate friend. Mr. Candybar doesn't judge you Chad, Mr. Candybar likes you just the way you are. Look how yummy and sweet he is.
(Chad, still crying, takes the offered candy bar.)
Cartman: There you go, that'll just be four dollars.
(Chad, who is still crying, pays Cartman and begins to eat)
Cartman: There you go.

Mr. Mackey: Now Eric, all these people came here and paid to send you to camp because they care about you.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah except for me, I just wanted to see the look on your face when we told you.

Phillip: I say Terrance, it appears the body has been moved since the murder.
Terrance: I don't see anything.
Phillip: Look closer...(Aiming ass at Terrance)
Phillip: Closer...(Small fart)
Phillip only: Ahahaha!
(Terrance on ladder farts a huge fart in Phillips face knocking him into the wall)
Both: Ahahahahaha!

Announcer: Alright Miss Crabtree, your cervix has been dialated, and your womb has been fitted with oxygen. How do you feel?
Miss Crabtree: I feel great! I haven't had this much attention paid to my cooch since I was seventeen!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 17 in total

South Park Season 4 Episode 15 Quotes

(about the manatee's the class is going to dissect)
Butters: HEY! Ours is still alive!
Mrs. Choksondik: Oh, hold on. (takes brick and pounds on the manatee's skull)

Announcer: Alright Miss Crabtree, your cervix has been dialated, and your womb has been fitted with oxygen. How do you feel?
Miss Crabtree: I feel great! I haven't had this much attention paid to my cooch since I was seventeen!