Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South-park

Grandma Cartman: Mom, could you say grace?
Great-Grandma Cartman: Goddammit, why do I always have to be the one who says grace?! If one more person asks me to say grace, I'll be like: "Ey! I'm not saying grace, and if you try to make me, I'll kick you square in the nuts!"

Mister Hankey kicks ass!

Cousin Elwin

Charles Manson: (after Kenny was shot to death by the police) Oh my god! They killed the little orange coat kid!
Kyle: You bastards!

Cartman's Grandma: (as they haul her son back to the pokey) Watch that ass in prison, son.
Uncle Howard: Always do, mom. Always do.

Dude, this is pretty f**ked up right here.

</i> Stan

Grandma: I thought that shirt would look really good on you.
Cartman: Are you telling me I drove nine hours through butt-f**king nowhere to get a GODDAMN SHIRT?! Mom, Grandma's gone senile, time to stick her in a home.

You can't just buy people Mr. Potter. You know what you are? You're a little bitch. That's right, you're a bitch and I'll bet you'd like to suck it, wouldn't you?

Jimmy Stewart

(singing) Holidays are that special time when we laugh and sing and feel warm and cozy. Forget about being angry for a day. Remember how it felt to be a child, opening presents on Christmas morning? That's the way that we should all feel now. So I say, happy, happy, happy, holy, happy, happy, happy, happy holidays! (Happy, happy, happy, holy, happy, happy, happy, happy holidays!) Happy Kwanzaa, too, from me to you. Happy holidays, you guys.

Charles Manson

Charles Manson: Come on, I'll hotwire your grandpa's car.
Stan: Do you really think we should go with this guy?
Cartman: Stan, don't be such a dumbass, you have to trust people.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 11 in total