South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Gerald Broflovski: Principle Victoria are you aware that my client was being harassed at your school?
Principal Victoria: Well not any more than any other student.
Gerald Broflovski: So you admit that harassment goes on?
Principal Victoria: I don't know.
Gerald Broflovski: You don't know, Your the principal!
Principal Victoria: I can't be around them every second.
Gerald Broflovski: So it does go on!
Principal Victoria: Alright alright i killed him. I hit him over the head and I cut up the body. I tried to burn it but it wouldn't burn. Oh the smell of it. I put the legs in garbage bags and hid the torso under a bridge. I had to do it.
(Principal Victoria starts crying)
Principal Victoria: Oh god!
Gerald Broflovski: Principal Victoria was Eric Cartmen called an a** Sucker yes or no?
Principal Victoria: I believe so yes.

Mr Garrison: Now does anyone know what sexual harassment means? (Cartman raises his hand) Yes Eric?
Cartman: When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.

Gerald: Did you, or did you not, hear my client being called an a*s-sucker?!
Mr. Garrison: Yes.
Gerald: And you did nothing.
Mr. Garrison: Well, he is a little a*s-sucker.

Sexual Harassment Panda: "Article 36, Section 19: One panda may not make sexual comments about another panda's appearance. If said panda does make"
Stan: Ugh, dude, get me out of here!
Cartman: I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool.
Stan: You would think that, you little a*s-sucker.
Cartman: What did you call me?
Stan: An a*s-sucker. It means you suck a*s. You see an a*s, you suck it. You're an a*s-sucker.
Cartman: That does it! I am suing you for sexual harassment!
Sexual Harassment Panda: Uh-oh.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You have sexually harassed me for the last time! It says right here that now I can sue you and take all of your money.
Sexual Harassment Panda: That's right, he can.
Stan: No you can't, you little a*s-sucker!
Cartman: Oh, you did it again! You all heard him!
Sexual Harassment Panda: "The first party of the first panda may sue the second-party panda unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda."

Skeeter: Hey Panda Bear! We don't take kindly to your types around here. Bartender: Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody. Skeeter: No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in dryer, more arid regions?

How would you like a big panda punch in your puss?

Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda!
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?
Sexual Harassment Panda!
"Don't say that, don't touch there,
"Don't be nasty," says the silly bear,
He's come to tell you what's right and wrong,
Sexual Harassment Panda!

Sexual Harassment Panda Theme song

Bartender: Now, I don't want any trouble.
Sexual Harassment Panda: I get the point. I know when I'm not wanted. I'm off to the Island of Misfit Mascots.
Bartender: God Damn it, Skeeter. How come every time a panda bear comes in here, you gotta go flappin' your jaw

Kids at school... making you mad? Just sue their asses with Kyle's dad!

Theme song to Gerald Broflowski's ad

When one little panda sticks his winkie in another little panda's ear... that's sexual harassment. That makes me a saaaad panda.

Skeeter: We don't take kindly to your types around here.
Cartman: Did you guys see a big panda bear in here or not?
Skeeter: We don't take kindly to panda bears!
Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you!
Man at bar: We don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here.

Judge: Well, seeing as how we have no lawyers, I'm throwing the case out. Case dismissed.
Skeeter: Hey! We don't take kindly to cases being dismissed around here.
Bartender: Goddamnit Skeeter, shut the hell up.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 17 in total