Are you a TV Fanatic?
Sign up for our daily newsletter to receive personalized television news for free!
Chef: (Phone rings, he answers) Hello? What? Oh, hello, children! It's a what? A giant snake?! Killing everybody?! Growing bigger?! Children, you know I rarely say this, but, well... fudge ya. (hangs up)
Kyle: What did he say?
Stan: Dude, I think he told us to go f(beep)k ourselves.
Kyle: How's that gonna help?
- Permalink: Hello? What? Oh, hello, children! It's a what? A giant snake?! K...
Mayor's Assistant: We are sorry the mayor cannot be here, because she issick.
Reporters: Aw c'mon, what kind of lame excuse is that?
Mayor's Assistant: She's having her period.
Reporter: Oh. Okay.
- Permalink: We are sorry the mayor cannot be here, because she issick. Aw ...
Guard: Good evening, gentlemen.
Jimbo: Oh, hello, fellow American. We're just anxious to get back to our homeland.
Guard: Well, alright But before I let you go, I have to ask you a few questions.
Jimbo: Fire away. We have nothing to hide
Guard: Is there anyone other than the two of you in this vehicle?
Jimbo: No, sir.
Guard: Do you have any firearms or explosives in the car?
Jimbo: Yes I-I mean, no! No!
Guard: Open your trunk please, sir.
Jimbo: Damn! Damn, I always get that question wrong!
- Permalink: Good evening, gentlemen. Oh, hello, fellow American. We're jus...
Baby Stan: Oo das kill Kenny!
Baby Kyle: Oo bastards!
- Permalink: Oo das kill Kenny! Oo bastards!
Mr. Garrison: (answering phone) Hello?
Mr. Mackey: Hello, is Mr. Hat there?
Mr. Garrison: Is this some kind of joke?!
Mr. Mackey: (chuckles) Yes.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! I'm gonna find out who you are!
Mr. Mackey: No, I don't think you can... M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: (hanging up) Goddammit!
- Permalink: Hello? Hello, is Mr. Hat there? Is this some kind of joke?! ...
Director: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3
(the kids play horribly)
Mayor: What the hell is that!?
Assistant: I think it's the stars and stripes.
- Permalink: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3 What the hell is that...
Well I can tell you that I'm 100% NOT GAY!!Mr. Garrison
- Permalink: Well I can tell you that I'm 100% NOT GAY!!
Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.
- Permalink: Are fireworks legal in Mexico? Hell, everything's legal in Mex...
Stan: Oh, yeah, dude! It's summer! That means we gotta buy fireworks.
Kyle: I saved enough money to buy M-80s this year.
Stan: I saw this one movie where a guy stuck a firecracker up a cat's butt.
Kyle: Cool! Maybe we can do that to Cartman's cat!
Cartman: Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants!
Stan: Jesus, Cartman!
Cartman: Well, I'm just saying, man. Seriously, don't mess with Kitty, man.
- Permalink: Oh, yeah, dude! It's summer! That means we gotta buy fireworks. ...
Okay. Everybody get in a line so I can whoop all your asses!</i> Chef
- Permalink: Okay. Everybody get in a line so I can whoop all your asses!
(giant ash-snake breaks through the wall)
Jimbo: Holy smokes, what the hell is that?
Ned: It looks like my ex-wife.
- Permalink: Holy smokes, what the hell is that? It looks like my ex-wife.
Serves you right, you gay-bashing homo!Mr. Garrison
- Permalink: Serves you right, you gay-bashing homo!