South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Quotes
Alright, that does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking poo is where I draw the line.
Cartman
Sheila: How dare you include the Nativity in a school play? Don't you realize my son is Jewish?!
Mr. Garrison: ...So?
Sheila: So what makes you think he should play Joseph of Arimathea?
Mr. Garrison: Because it's Christmas?
Cartman: Oh dude! Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas!
Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
Stan: Hey come on guys. We have to go to the mall and tell Santa Claus what we want for Christmas.
Cartman: Yeah. We'll see you later, Kyle. Guess there's no reason for you to come, since you don't get Christmas presents.
Kyle: No, but I get Channukah presents for eight days.
Cartman: Too bad it's usually a dreidel or something lame like that.
Cartman: How bout we sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch," in D-minor?
Kyle: I told you not to call my mom a bitch Cartman!
Mr. Garrison: Who knows what a can food drive is?
Cartman: Isn't that where they cut open a chick's stomach to get the baby out?
Mr. Garrison: No, that's a caesarian section, Eric, but remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family because for them, $6.99 is two year's income.
Cartman
And can't we do a little better than creamed corn, creamed corn, and creamed corn? Please bring in more diverse food, children, or else Kenny's family going to have a pretty corny thanksgiving. (starts laughing) Corny! (laughs) Gravy! (laughs) Corny thanksgiving!
Mr. Garrison
Mr. McCormick: Dear God, we thank you for this... single can of green beans. And even though you took our son from us, and you enjoy tormenting us, we thank you. Amen.
Mrs. McCormick: Um... does anyone have a can opener?
Mr. McCormick: God dammit.
Bebe: I want a Starvin' Marvin!
Pip: Yes! I'll pay $50 for one!
Then maybe they should die and decrease the surplus population!
Cartman
Ms. Crabtree: SIT DOWN! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!
Stan: Ah, we're always running late, you ugly skank.
Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Stan: I said I can't wait to own a fishing tank.
Mrs. Crabtree: Oh. Well, neither can I.
