The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSThe Big Bang Theory Quotes
A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the Bowling Pageant.
Sheldon
What did you do, Romeo? Did you pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?
Wolowitz
Wolowitz: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? That is, assuming, of course that giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are -- Leonard's being one.
Wolowitz: Okay forgot giant ants. How about giant rabbits?
Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And as a side note, they are one of the few animals whose scrotum is on the front of the penis.
Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about.
Leonard: If my PE teachers told me this is what I was training for I would have tried a lot harder.
Penny: Do or do not, there is no try.
Leonard: Did you just quote Star Wars?
Penny: I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.
Leonard: Oh my God. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda.
Didn't work. This alcohol is defective.
Sheldon
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."
Sheldon
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side.
Sheldon
Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was giant, but everything around me was to scale, so it all looked normal.
Leonard: How did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size "a million" pants.
Raj: These methods come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me conquer my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.
Penny: So what do you say, Sheldon, are we your X-Men?
Sheldon: No, the X-Men were named for the "X" in "Charles Xavier." Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my "C-Men."
Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, buy you're not smaller than all of us put together.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that is what I meant.