The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Sheldon: I have some odd freckles on my buttocks. Can I make an appointment for you to look at them?
Emily: Um... okay, I guess.
Amy: I'm with him three years, nothing. She's with two minutes, and he's taking his pants off.

Raj: Since when do you read Social Science?
Sheldon: I go to the bathroom like everybody else.

Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.

If I wanted curls for dinner I'd order a clown wig.

Sheldon

It's a good thing I'm not wearing flag underwear right now because there's about to be a fire.

Amy

Is this when he says bazooka or something?

Penny

Bernadette: They throw an actual ball, you were throwing air at a tv.
Howard: For your information, I also threw Leonard a high five.

Sheldon: Did you enjoy my lecture?
Amy: No, and neither did our waiter.

I know, watching your boyfriend run around with a broomstick between his legs isn't something you forget.

Penny

Okay, that's not what I meant when I said go outside and play

Penny

Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.
Howard: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.

Sheldon: What are you doing now?
Howard: Making a straw.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: So I can shoot you with a spitball.
Sheldon: You're not going to do that, and I'll tell you why. This is an institution of higher learning, I am your professor, and you're going to treat me with the prop... You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I could do that again.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 1623 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.