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The-big-bang-theory

I have to say I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition. Apparently there is no law of diminished comedic returns when it comes to space poop

Sheldon

Sheldon: You have to check your messages, Leonard! Leaving a message is one-half of a social contract, which is completed by the checking of the message. If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down and we descend into anarchy.
Leonard: It must be hell inside your head.
Sheldon: At times.

Raj: Interesting. Penny's current suitor asking advice from Penny's former suitor.
Leonard: Thanks for close-captioning my pain, Raj.

Stuart: Here Sheldon. I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me! Spoiler alert!
Stuart: What? I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing, so my mind is going into it pre-blown. Once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.

Leonard: Hey, how's it going?
Wolowitz: Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you?
Leonard: Yes..
Wolowitz: She's a hooker, isn't she?
Raj: A prostitute, yes
Wolowitz: You already gave her the money?
Leonard: Yes
Wolowitz: ... Thank you

Raj: We should have a plan in case one of us gets lucky
Leonard: Umm... okay...if I get lucky, I'll take her to my stately manner outside Gotham City. If you get lucky, I'll sleep on the moon
Leonard: Sounds like a plan

Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of "friends with benefits"

Raj [about Wolowitz]: Too bad he wasn't here for that hooker. She was exactly his type: a hooker

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Raj: I'm telling you Leonard: Video slots, free drinks brought to you by a bosomy barmaid, and all-you-can-eat shrimp for $3.99. Disneyland can suck it. This is the real "happiest place on Earth"

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